she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Pooping to opera.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
