Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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