I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
