so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
