I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
