i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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