I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize