I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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