I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
