I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Randomize
