she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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