Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
