New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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