FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
50% drunk capacity currently
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
