last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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