I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
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He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
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I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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