you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
