Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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