i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
