Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
