I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
