dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
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Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
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Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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