So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
