Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
