He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
