Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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