Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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