She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
