I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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