You really coming over, don't trick.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
