just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
ok first of all what the fuck
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
