I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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