Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize