hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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