census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
