The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
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you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
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I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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