Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
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So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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