You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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