Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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