tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
