I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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