Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
