I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
