My underwear smells like fireworks.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
