Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
