I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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