At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
