Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
