Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
