New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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