i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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