the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.