so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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