please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
