So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize