he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
