Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
