omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
should my penis look like a turkey
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
