Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
