All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
