just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
