He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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