I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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