R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
