Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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