You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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