Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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