It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
