I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
