I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
